Why is it that when you’re looking for a job, nobody will consider you for anything unless you have experience. I can understand why an employer would like someone with experience, but guess what – unless someone decides to let you gain experience in the first place, YOU WILL NEVER GET ANY EXPERIENCE! Fucking A.
To complicate matters even more, I know that in a good number of places outside central Missouri, I’d be fine. I’d be getting consistent, well-paid work if I were in a place like NYC, Chicago, or (eek) Los Angeles. I’m really fucking good when it comes to photography, I’m a good problem-solver, and I’ve got a hardass work ethic. What’s that you say? Why yes, I’m perfectly suited to assisting work. But golly, there isn’t one fucking photography job here in Columbia, MO, much less reliable assisting jobs. Even St Louis would be a *huge* step up from this.
All since last night, another thing has been nagging me. Japan is where I want to go, NYC is where I should/need to go. Fuck. WHY THE FUCK DO THEY HAVE TO BE 10,000 MILES APART!?!?!?!? And yes, I know, I’ve already said that on a long enough time scale, I’ll spend plenty of time in both places. Of that I am sure. But right now I really really really want to go to Japan. But the more I work on the logistics of both options, the more I think (very reluctantly, mind you), or rather realize that for someone so obsessive about photography and design and my career in general, leaving the country for three years or so on what amounts to a theoretically paid vacation of sorts would just be stupid when within a two-days’ drive from where I am now is a city where I could do everything I want to do and more and I could do it NOW.
And that’s just the aggravating point right there. I can’t deny that what I really need to do now is go to NYC and do photography and design and be surrounded by creativity 24/7 and explore and experiment and do everything I can conceive of right now and a fuckload more. And I would love it. But what I would love so much more right now is to go to Japan and explore and see friends who I feel like I know so well but have yet to meet, etc. And yet something keeps telling me (and I really wish it would just shut up) that it’s just smarter to got o NYC now. I’ll still get to Japan eventually, just not now.
I am the indecisive mouse that roared…sort of.
Damn my neurosis keeping me from every being able to decide one fucking thing and have it stick. Tune in later for more…
