As I begin typing this it is 12:45 AM. I’m getting up at 8:00 tomorrow morning and am torn as to whether I should go to bed right now or whether I can let myself stay up another hour. The thing is, tomorrow morning I’m taking the GRE. That’s pretty important, right? And I should be getting plenty of sleep so I can do well, right? Well, not really.
See, back when I registered to take the GRE, I was in one of those brief insecure phases when I was doubting my future in photography and debating a return to the natural sciences. I registered for the GRE, bought some Kaplan books to help me study (which, by the way, are decent if you don’t mind a study aid that pats itself on the back every three words), and started preparing. Never finished, though. I was supposedly studying hard all this week, though truth be told I didn’t spend more than an hour the whole time looking at one of those study books.
And the whole reason I’m taking it now is that I paid for it and I can’t get a refund. If I didn’t have $140 invested in this, I wouldn’t be going. Maybe it’ll be good to take it and finally be done toying with those ideas. Photography and information media in general is where my future is, not the natural sciences. Much as I love the sciences still, I have to come to terms with the fact that it’s a part of my past I need to learn to leave behind. To think that I still might study environmental science in graduate school is, at this point, only delusional. It isn’t going to happen. So maybe taking this GRE and not giving a shit about it will be the nail that keeps the coffin lid closed for good.
I think I’ve just argued for another hour. Onward and upward towards all things expressive, time to leave a bit of me by the roadside.
