They rushed down the street together, digging everything in the early way they had, which later became so much sadder and perceptive and blank. But then they danced down the streets like dingledodies, and I shambled after as I’ve been doing all my life after people who interest me, because the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!” What did they call such young people in Goethe’s Germany?
– from Jack Kerouac’s On The Road
Third post in as many hours. Fourth post since I last slept. Sometimes the mind just works and works and works and at moments refuses to produce a single coherent thought and at other times. My brain is on right now in a way it hasn’t been in ages. It’s a manic, hyperactive, desperate sort of on. The state of mind where you want to know everything and achieve instantaneous enlightenment, feel the orgasm of the universe make the skies tremble, and fall asleep with your clothes on wishing you knew where the answers were but digging the idea that there’s always more to think.
Right now all I want to do is read everything I own ten times over and write every neural transmission out by hand at a thousand words per second.
I’ve said it at least three times tonight. I feel like I’m at the edge of something big. Like a huge chasm that’s opened in front of me and I want to take a flying leap into it to see just how far down it goes, not giving a shit whether or not it’ll hurt or kill me when I find the answer.
I’m addicted to information. I can’t function without massive amounts of it constantly flowing through my brain. If I go into an information deficit, I start to fall apart. My thoughts don’t make sense, my behavior gets erratic, my dreams go gray compared to the technicolor universe they usually have me in at night. This is why I’m surrounded by books and magazines by the hundreds in my bedroom. This is why I study design. This is why I look at everything with all of me and not just with my eyes. This is why I’m generally too fucked p to realize just how nuts I am. This is why I love every minute of life even when I am horribly depressed.
I can never die – only learn why I was ever here and fall asleep wanting to do it all again. I’m the kid that wants to spin on the merry-go-round on the playground until I black out or stumble off, fall down, and watch the sky above me boil.
If the sky isn’t falling, I intend to bring it down upon us.
