So how does the stuff I was talking about earler pan out in the real world? Well, I’ve been wanting to go to grad school for some time now. Get my masters in something like media arts studies. But now I have to wonder if I couldn’t accomplish more in a shorter amount of time by doing all my own research and new work on my own, outside of the confines of any kind of academic institution, which may or may not end up being the kind of environment that I need to produce my best work. There’s the possibility of a road trip, on which I spend 3 months on the road shooting anything and everything that interests me, and using what I produce to form new portfolios and/or the start of one or more book projects. There’s the possibility of working with my friends on short film projects. There’s all sorts of things I can do without going to graduate school.
But how would it work out. Would I learn more and ultimately get more out of it than if I went to grad school? Or would it be less? Would it cost more or would it cost less?
At this point, it’s just hard to tell what path is the best one for me to follow. My mind runs at 5,000 miles an hour whenever I’m awake and at twice that speed when I’m asleep, and so no matter what’s on my mind it gets contemplated ad nauseam time 100. Sometimes this is good, as I arrive at conclusions that nobody with a normal midn would ever arive at without sitting there and thinking about it for five years or so. But other times it just means that, where other people would see a hard but doable decision, I find myself in a total quagmire of indecision as my mind runs through every conceivable eventuality and possible outcome, trying to decipher the true nature of an issue while the obvious solution to the problem at hand stands in front of me tugging on my sleeve in a rather obvious manner.
It’s an odd way to be, but then I probably wouldn’t have it any other way.
And right now I have to wonder just how my mind differs from the minds of others. My mind is so fast and so spontaneous in its actions that I honestly cannot imagine that even a minority of other people have minds that operate like mine do. If that were the case, the world would not exist in the way that it exists now. It would be so chaotic and so, well, weird that it would essentially resemble how the world stands today in that we would still be human.
I have just now finished a truly massive Beefeater and tonic and its effects now have me contemplating an idea that may well have orignated with Native Americans and their culture as they originate in the American southwest. The idea is that, either through meditation or something else to that end or through a chemical additive that intervenes in the process, one can achieve a state of mind in which the noise, as it were, of everday life, can be pushed to the background of consciousness, and the real wisdom that exists in the subconscious mind then has a chance to come to the surface and teach us a whole hell of a lot.
What does that have to do with the way I am now? Well, I’m not really drunk, only buzzed, and this doesn’t come close to the experience of doing something like having a total mind session while on peyote, but just with the help of a half glass of gin,all these thoughts are just streaming out of my mind so quickly that my fingers can keep up with maybe one tenth of what’s being produced by my current mental state. And while I neither make a habit of it myself or in any way advocate the use of consciousness-altering drugs, I have to admit that the premise that drugs can actually help you more quickly and/or directly interact with your subconscious mind and its products in a conscious way seems quit, quite real and holding of much truth.
Enough for now, more ramblings later if the buzz holds.
