Declare War

From 2011, during my brief stint in slam poetry. I may record a reading if there’s interest.


Know is this: you are an empire of one. A singular sovereign nation orbiting the sun night and day. And orbiting with you our rights that cannot be taken away.

These include the right to a badass life and to have fun more. The right to do better work, laugh yourself sore, enjoy what you do, feel that you’re love to your lovable core, even if you never thought you deserved it before…though you did…deserve it.

Declare war on the fear that keeps you from your dreams. Lob grenades that explode with the power of Yes I Can and send fragments of confidence and ability outward at high speed to perforate and deflate self-doubt and naysayers like paper balloons in a hailstorm.

Declare war on the people who shit all over your life, detonating charges of high explosive love and forgiveness while enforcing travel restrictions to keep them at a reasonable distance, where they cannot spoil your day, no matter how hard they strain.

Declare war on your terrible job, your waistline, the skeletons in your closet. Battle your bad habits, your lack of vacation time, your surplus of stress, and the infrequency of your orgasms.

Detonate nuclear weapons of diplomacy. Fire rockets of camaraderie. When someone tries to pull you into another petty argument because their day sucks and they want yours to match, retaliated by grinning and not giving a fuck. When your boss violates your contract, drop a 500 pound letter bomb of resignation and the court date. Seal the envelope with a smiley face.

When the girl you like starts flirting with you, unleash hell – hell in this case being a precision, laser guided warhead consisting of your best smile, a clean shave, good conversation, and a few drinks. If all goes well, and additional maneuver may be warranted, possibly involving a two-party agreement and genitals.

If something is going badly, make it good somehow instead of getting mad because anger at badness will only amplify your sadness while digging deeper the hole in which you are captive. The best weapon against that which brings you down is that which lifts you up. The best way to get out of a shitty situation is to get into an awesome one instead. Burn some bridges if you have to-there is nothing wrong with that if those bridges lead to places that aren’t worth going. Deport people from your life if they keep causing trouble. Invite better people in and see to it that they are comfortable and well fed.

Enact benevolent foreign policy, sharing your natural resources, which include your genius, your experience, and your goodwill. Join with others and establish a Coalition of Awesome to combat the nefarious forces of the misguided Coalition of Suck.

Distribute leaflets printed with your Bill of Rights on one side and the words to your national anthem on the other, keeping in mind that your national anthem can be whatever the hell you want, including Baby Got Back or No Sleep Till Brooklyn. Saturate your surroundings with propaganda endorsing the benefits of joyful exuberance. When someone comes to join you, welcome your new ally with cheer and give ’em a big hug.

Do not apologize for your unrelenting policy of taking the high road and following it into a life characterized by massive amounts of win.

Deal with downers like a dead weight that they are, as unless you do it you will never lose the scars that you have gained from battling . Let them drop where they are and let them remain where they fall, so if they choose to move forward at all it’s their choice, not yours, that they one-day recall, when they realize that you were right all along and that settling in life is never anything but wrong. Deal with bad situations like they’re riddles to solve, never taking at face value what they appear to involve because reasons run deep and if you can get underneath them you’ll gain some leverage and some creative freedom.

Do what you must for the good of your nation, not forgetting that’s you, not some huge conglomeration of various parts, some of which may not have your best interest at heart. Without doing harm to anyone else, make the most of what is,  your youth, and your health.

By whatever means, as long as you’re nice, making progress each day is yours as a right. Declare independence. Declare, I’m worth more.

And when you do, back it up with a declaration of war. 

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